DEAR DEIDRE: WHY did I weep at my husband’s grave when he did not deserve my sympathy?
He was a bully who physically and mentally abused me for the ten years that we were married. He was 48 when he died of a heart attack at work.
I’m 42 and I planned to get away from him for years. Eventually, I moved back in with my mother last year but he was still a big part of my life and I was shocked when he died.
Now I feel confused. I’m grieving but I don’t know why. I’m angry for mourning him as if I lost a good man when he was actually horrible.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your abusive marriage dashed your dream of happiness with a man you must have thought was good when you married.
DEAR DEIDRE: Everyday is a struggle for me since I confronted my fiancée about her affair.
I am 33 and she is 30. We have been together for three years.
She had been having an affair for a year.
She would sneak off to have sex with her lover when she said she was going to the gym.
They met a few times in a hotel and even had sex in his work van.
She sent him texts and selfies of herself wearing next to nothing.
She was even texting him when we were at a concert celebrating my birthday. I became suspicious about the amount of time she was on her phone so I confronted her.
She ended the affair and has been open with me, giving me all the details — but I am struggling to come to terms with it all.
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s no wonder, but all those details are probably making it harder for you to stop obsessing. You’re focusing on the past instead of the future.
Tell your fiancée you are struggling to trust her again so need lots of loving reassurance from her, then judge her on how she is with you now.
DEAR DEIDRE: I BECOME very jealous when I see other married couples going out for date nights, or when I see other people being affectionate towards one another. I am 35 and my husband is 37.
We have two boys aged five and three. We have been married for 15 years but, sometimes, I feel that he and I have become more like friends. I don’t think he wants to do anything which involves just me and him.
He is an excellent dad but he just wants to spend all his free time with the children.
I can’t understand why he doesn’t want to do anything with me. He says he just likes being home with the kids when he is off work.
I couldn’t ever imagine my life without my husband and I wouldn’t want to, but I can’t help wondering if this is all there is.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your children are lucky to have a loving and involved dad, but you are going to feel very bitter if you let your life drift like this.
Tell your husband you feel rejected and unloved.
Suggest you go on date nights once a fortnight and arrange for friends or family to babysit.
Book to go to something he will enjoy too, as he may have lost the habit of grown-up chat and need a focus.