The ManicaPost
Ann Ruthenburg
HELLO there everyone, I hope you had a great week. I had an extremely challenging week, but I suppose it happens. One cannot have a perfect week every week right?I did, however, had a few laughs when I received some of your messages telling me that you missed my marriage advice. What I think you were meaning was that you miss my Romance Needs advice kikiki.
Well, all good things do come to an end, but I would like to believe that every week, I give advice that will somehow help someone understand their marriage or their partner. So please keep reading, you will be surprised what you might read that will answer some of your questions.
I will touch on a serious subject this week that I do not enjoy talking about because it is complicated and in some races taboo to even think of addressing it. But the number of messages I get each week from desperate wives on this subject is disturbing.
The issue to be addressed this week is the “mother-in-law issue.” Please hear me out, I am not against mother-in-laws. I have much love and respect for them. If you are a wife, you must have respect for your husband’s mother, after all if she had not brought him into the world, the two of you would not be getting married now, would you?
Having said that though, it is not a secret that very few daughter-in-laws enjoy a pleasant relationship with their husbands’ mother. Research worldwide tells us that this is normal.
However, it should not be so. Research also tells us that the majority of the issues stem from the interference of the husband’s mother in his marriage.
Most of the time, the interference is not meant to hurt anyone, it is simply that his mother is failing to let go for many reasons. Oh and by the way, I have heard some sister-in-laws telling me that the wife needs to bow down because they the sisters and his mother were in his life longer than she. Point taken, but life demands that certain of the man’s needs be met as he matures and these needs cannot be met by mom or sisters, hence it is said: “a man leaves his mother and father and clings to his wife”.
This is nature’s way of ensuring we have procreation and that the human race continues. Let’s not even argue this situation ladies, I did not put this law into the universe, God did. So talk to him. In the meantime, ladies let us chat because you have to let go of your brother/son sooner rather than later.
Let me start by saying….Your baby boy is now someone’s husband – let go! Let me help you with statistics which are important for you to remember as your boy grows older.
Seven – 12 months — Infants can begin to tell the difference between male and female voices. Infants can tell the difference between their mother’s and their father’s voices. They will often turn their heads toward mother or father when he or she is talking.
Two years – Toddlers begin to use gender stereotypes in their play. Young girls begin to play with “female toys,” and young boys play with “male toys.” Parents also may treat their children differently. Many young girls are dressed in “pretty” clothing and treated very delicately. Young boys are often dressed in “cute” clothes that are easy to move around in. Boys are often encouraged to be active and strong.
Two to three years — At this age, young children are developing “gender identity.” This means that they begin to label themselves and others as male or female. They can use words to label friends, family, and themselves as a boy or a girl.
Three to four years — Children at this age begin to use “gender typing.” They like putting things in categories and gender is one way to do that. For example, a three-year-old child may think that trucks are male toys, because boys usually play with trucks.
Four to six years — Children at this age begin to understand and use “gender scripts.” This is another way to put things in categories. Instead of grouping things, they put events or activities in groups related to gender. For example, a five-year-old child may think that a person putting on make-up has to be a female. That child may also think that only males lift weights, so everyone lifting weights must be a male.
Six to seven years — Before this age, boys might think that they will grow up to be women. Girls might think they will be daddies when they are older. By age six or seven though, most children understand and believe that a person’s gender is constant. They know it will not change throughout life. Most children this age also know that a man is still a man, even if he dresses like a woman. This age group get their influence from peers at school and friends more than home.
Seven to 12 years — The boy should be spending time with other boys and looking to dad or and uncle or some close male to show him how he should behave. He is also getting feeling that he cannot understand and will only understand from another man. This now is where the problems get complicated. Because at this age he wants to rough it out with other boys, he wants to explore the world out as a boy. He starts noticing his female friends in a different way and his ego starts developing. This is also the time moms tend to start holding on tight, because she can see her sons attention moving towards things outside her control.
13 years onwards
This is the warrior stage. Your son wants to protect and defend. This is when he should be under the leadership of another man who can teach him how to channel his energies, emotions and thought processes towards the right thing. It is also this time that he sees how a husband behaves towards his wife; how men should treat women leading to relationships later as a young adult.
Now during this stage, moms tend to notice how their sons are starting to develop, their voices start changing, their bodies start to change, the girls start noticing him and he starts to pull away from mom. Sub consciously or not; this is when moms whose needs are not being channelled right start to get possessive over their boy child.
This is normal moms, I am not bashing you, I am helping you understand. However if you do not open your eyes at this time and realise that letting go is necessary for your emotional and mental health; you will become clingy, unreasonable, selfish and jealous of your sons female relationships.
Continued next week…..
Okay, that is it from me this week, until next week, God Bless!
Marriage Doctor can be found at Osprey Wedding Venue, Penhalonga or messaged/whatsapped on 0772 933 845.
