Stop regretting lost opportunities

30 Sep, 2016 - 00:09 0 Views

The ManicaPost

Ann Ruthenburg

HELLO there everyone. I hope you are good.There are way too many couples out there spending their entire lives regretting all the opportunities they lost over the years, all the decisions they never made over the years and all the pain they suffered over the years.

When will you stop regretting? Make the decision and don’t look back! Don’t just think it; say it!

Husbands, there are so many of you who have endured your wives chipping for years over things you could have just said to her. You see her new hairstyle; but you say nothing. And because you thought it but didn’t say it; she expresses her disappointment in words, which cut you deep inside. But you could have avoided all that if your had said what she wanted you to say, that you wanted to but didn’t.

Many marriages are starved of unity and love and togetherness and understanding, simply because both or one of the partners is failing or has failed to express their thoughts verbally.

No-one is so psychic that they know what their partner is thinking. They need to hear it or see it. People seem to find it easier to say the negative; than to say the positive. A small percentage of couples freely express themselves verbally positively and negatively. Most push the issues under the carpet or tell the whole world rather than the person who needs to hear it.

Call it what you want…character, culture, tradition, past hurt, reserved, fear etc., whatever your reason is, it is not a good enough excuse. No one has the right to hold back praise and comforting words, and appreciation from their partner, it is simply unforgivable.

Why do people cry uncontrollably at funerals? I will tell you…unsaid words, unfinished business or regret! No one is guaranteed tomorrow, so why waste today on harsh words, negative thoughts, abusive action and non progressive decisions. Throwing yourself on the ground or trying to fall into the coffin of your loved one, is not going to bring them back, correct the negative words you said before the death, or ease the pain. Death is final. The tears will not ease the pain, or make the person come back. So choose every day, every hour to make the right decisions, say the right things, and act the right way.

When it comes to how the marriage will progress or last whether you having a US$100 000 wedding or having a US$1 000 wedding, there is no difference. It is not how you started the marriage that is so important; but it is what you do throughout the marriage. 10 years from now, no one will remember how amazing or how big your wedding day was. It will be irrelevant (after-all there will be bigger and more amazing weddings after yours), and of no profit to anyone. What is important is whether the story you write of your marital journey over the years is a positive one or a negative one. Those who start off rich, may end up poor; and those who start off poor, may end up rich; life happens. But it is what you do or say or not, during the journey to your wealth or poverty that will strengthen the marriage or end it.

Men more than women struggle to express themselves to their partners verbally. You cannot take life moments for granted.

Let me ask…why are you angry? Is it because you are fed-up of talking; is it because your partner is not listening? Could you not say what you want to say another way? Can you not change your tone of voice? Could you not use such strong language? Or maybe your partner has heard you, but is still trying to process it and then in time respond? Is your anger helping your relationship strengthen? What if he or she gets into a serious car crash now – what will your anger have achieved?

Let me ask…why are you cheating? Is it because your partner is not satisfying you? Have you told he/she what pleases you? Is it because sexually the two of you are not compatible? Have you tried to find out whether the two of you can find a middle ground, or are you selfishly wanting your sexual appetite to reign unchecked? Is it because you are bored with your sex life? Have you tried new ways of doing things, watched videos on sex, read books on sex with your partner, not just you alone? Have to spoken to professionals on the issue? Possibly the issue is not your partner, it might be you? Is cheating the answer for your marriage, or just the answer for you?

Let me ask…why do you spend so much time away from your partner/home? Is it because when you are home, the family do not give your peace or time to breathe? Have you told them this? Is it because you feel like no appreciates you apart from always asking for money or for you to fix this or do this, when all you want to do is chill? Have you explained this to them, and have to tried to understand where they are coming from? Is it because you hate the home, it is too small and too many people in it? Imagine how your wife feels? But she does not have the option to leave the house like you do. Let me ask…why do you spend so much time eating away from home? Is it because your feel your wife cannot cook? Have you told her respectfully and offered to send her for lessons? Is it because you feel you are making the money so you deserve to eat out? But what about your family, why can’t you eat out as often with them. Or why can’t you give them money to eat out on the own, if you do not want to go with them?

Let me ask….why do you choose not to take your partner to the office events or clients parties? Is it because she does not meet the standard you are known for? Have you tried to bring her up to your standard? Is it because she was a village woman, and now you want a city woman on your arm? Why can’t you send her for a workshop or course that will help her become a so called ‘city woman.’? Have you tried to tell her how important it is for you both to look the part? If you have told her and she has refused to change, have you told her that you are thus taking an alternative to these events? I guess not? Have you given her everything she needs to become the woman you want her to become? After-all you are being given everything you need to become your best.

Just say it with love and respectfully. It is too late when they are no longer there.

 

The Marriage Doctor can be messaged / whatsapped on 0772 933 845.

 

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