Why am I still with my partner if he’s always cheating on me?
DEAR DEIDRE: WHY do I still want to be with my partner, who is a horrible man and a serial cheat?
We have been together for 20 years and have four kids. I am 41 and he is 44. He told me he is going to leave me for a woman he has been having an affair with for three months. Why am I upset? I have known him for 22 years and he has fathered children all over the country in that time — but I always have him back. What is the matter with me?
DEIDRE SAYS: There is a good chance this has its roots back in your own childhood. Perhaps your dad didn’t respect yours or your mum’s feelings, so you respond to another man who behaves like that.
You didn’t grow up valuing yourself and believing you deserve good treatment. But your children need you to prove to them that he is no role model.
DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend has had enough of my lies and has moved back in with her mum. This is the second time I’ve fallen out with her over this. She says the relationship is over because she can’t trust me or what I say. I’m 21 and she is 20. The latest row was because I told her that I’d blocked a girl who added me as a friend on Facebook, even though I was secretly sending her messages. It didn’t mean anything, because I love my girl, but she was so angry.
She says she needs space but I don’t know what’s going on. I’ve apologised and held my hands up for my mistakes.
DEIDRE SAYS: If you keep lying it’s not surprising she has had enough. Ask yourself why you keep lying to her. There might be underlying issues you need to address. Tell her you are getting help to change.
DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife of 24 years says sex used to be great but it has now changed for her. We are in our late forties, so could this be the menopause? I don’t want our love life to fizzle out and have suggested using sex toys but she does not think much of foreplay.
I know this sound like the typical thing a man says but I want to spice things up. I really love her and would like foreplay to be more fun for us both.
DEIDRE SAYS: Women’s sexual responses do change with the menopause but in very individual ways. — Sun.