The ManicaPost
Dr Mazvita Machinga
YOUR emotions are a vital part of your everyday life. There are crucial to your ability to adapt to the challenges of your daily life.
If not handled well, your emotions can be damaging and unhelpful. They need to be regulated- emotional regulation. Whether you are having some fun with a text message or feeling frustrated, these highs and lows can significantly affect your well-being and that of others.
During the past weeks, as I was listening to the radio, I learned about adult children from different geographical areas in Zimbabwe who killed their fathers. In both cases, this happened after each of the adult children had visited local prophets who told them that their parents were responsible for what was going on in their lives. Without giving much thought to these claims, the adult children went ahead in rage to gruesomely kill their fathers.
Such kind of behaviour shocked and surprised the communities where these families live and the nation. Just like me, you could be asking what is really is happening to our society? Have we become so unthoughtful to believe in whatever other people say to the extent of not valuing life? So many questions came to my mind, why people can do such a thing.
These happenings have led me to this week’s topic: “How to manage emotions during difficult situations.” In life, yes, we experience difficult situations. There are times when people become angry and emotions being so high. What is it that you can do? This reminds me of Aristole’s words which are so true, “Anybody can become angry- that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy (Aristotle)
Anytime you find yourself angry, with so high negative energy, in an uncomfortable mode or place, there are number of positive actions that you can take. You can manage your emotions before you cause harm to others or yourself. The big problem is when you become so governed by emotions and not harness them for the good. The following are positive things you can do when you experience horrendous or unbearable circumstances.
a)Tell yourself that this is difficult, this is problematic.
Ask yourself, how do I feel about this situation? Be aware of your emotional response, and understand what might be behind it (anger, rage, shock, frustration, or anxiety etc.) Calming yourself down
b)Apply some reason to your emotion before acting. Take a step back or a deep breath. Stop before you decide to give yourself time to think.
That way, you can apply some reason to the situation. Think about how you will feel because of each possible action
c)Ask yourself, what do I think I should do about this? Consider what would happen if everyone were to take the same action. If this would be a disaster, then do not do it. What positive thing could I do that might be more helpful to me and others?
d)Look for someone to talk to, someone you can trust: family, friend, pastor, doctor, boss, counsellor or psychotherapist. These can help you to shift your attentional focus.
e)Change your thoughts. At the core of our deepest emotions are the beliefs that drive them.
By changing your thoughts, you may not be able to change the situation but you can at least change the way you believe the situation is affecting you and move on.
f)Change your response. If all else fails, and you can’t avoid, modify, shift your focus, or change your thoughts, and that emotion comes pouring out, the final step in emotion regulation is to get control of your response.
g)Look for someone to talk to, someone you can trust: family, friend, pastor, doctor, boss, counsellor or psychotherapist
The last thing you should ever do when frustrated is to take the law into your own hands and destroy life. If you are going through a difficult situation, Help is available. You are not alone in this. Your anger, depression, or despair, so seemingly real and important right now; where will they have gone in a month, a week, or even a moment?”So, get help.
Dr Mazvita Machinga Ph.D is a qualified psychotherapist based in Mutare, feel free to call for mental health support and counseling 0778 84 8310 or 0771 754 519 email: [email protected]
