The ManicaPost
Morris Mtisi Post Correspondent
Dear Sir
I must confess I didn’t like you and haven’t liked you very much for a long long time. Excuse me for foolish repetition, ‘long long time’. I know it’s a common error but may be you will appreciate it hasn’t been a short time of resentment.
Mr Syllabus, you have ignored my pleas for changes in the way you used to annoy, confuse and worry students during final examinations. You will appreciate too sir, that English is one of the worst failed learning areas. Of course there are many reasons (this time I won’t say many many reasons) this is so, but certainly Section B of Paper 2 has been one of the most vexing areas. I have been telling you for a very long time that teachers and students find this section dreadfully stressful. And purposeless!
On one of the days I woke up on the wrong side of my bed. I remember writing in my weekly column in this paper a protest article screaming REMOVE REGISTERS FROM PAPER 2.
I must confess sometimes I became a bit overbearing. But Mr Syllabus, you too have been too stubborn or was it just being deaf? On many occasions I actually felt whenever and wherever I met you I would bash your head to pulp or wring your ears until you listened.
But I’m extremely excited now; over the moon really; walking on air, to learn that finally you listened and removed the notorious REGISTERS form your belly. That is what was giving you diarrhea…or was it gonorrhoea , which also infected students during examinations. Thank you very much for listening. Sometimes I wondered if you ever read my newspaper and my English columns Mr Syllabus. Now I know. You have been carefully following every bit of the sweet nonsense I wrote. Your problem I’m sure was pride. You pretended not to read the paper and ignored all the sense I suggested. You never responded, not even once, except my friends and colleagues in the schools – competent, thoughtful and critical-thinking teachers. They agreed with me, told me so and helped me to be angry with you.
I now know what it is like. You big people like you Cde Syllabus English do not want small people who see better than you do and talk too much, no matter how sensible and intelligent they may be. And you are right. Small people must not tell big people where they are messing up. If little people want to criticize big people like you Mr Syllabus, they must politely and humbly, almost miserably beg you to understand. If they don’t want to be told, “Shut up!” or ‘Mind our size!” It’s all part of life.
All that, aside now! I told you I am now in the seventh heaven. I want to thank you for finally seeing sense in my angry literary volleys against REGISTERS. Those 10 marks mattered, Mr Syllabus, and not many candidates got half of them during the examinations. Only the best got four-five out of ten. The rest just did with zeros. Ask the markers. Finally…dear God! The teachers and students can give a deep sigh of relief. And I am ecstatic.
When you begin to test COMMON ERRORS, amongst other language structures and items, on Section B in the first new curriculum or up-dated curriculum English Paper 2, this year or next year, two-three years to come, I will salute you Cde Syllabus wherever I meet you. So far I will faithfully join you in a zero-tolerance war against Common Errors in English.
Mr Syllabus, don’t miss Part 2 of my letter to you next week.
Lots of love
Morris Mtisi.
