The ManicaPost
Dear Coleen
I’m 24 and I still live with my parents in a semi-detached house in a quiet road, but since our next door neighbour died the people who have lived there have been vile.We’re an ordinary decent family who keep themselves to themselves, but the neighbours have been so much trouble. They would leave their dogs alone in the house for almost eight hours a day.
They then got another small dog, which was aggressive and yappy. Every Thursday, it used to sit by the front door barking until the owners came back from drinking.
I could hear it in my bedroom and I have to be up at 6:30am every day for work.
This ended up in a confrontation and the neighbours have since moved out.
But they’re now renting to a couple who don’t work and barely come out the house.
They’re not as much trouble as the last pair, but all of a sudden you’ll hear shouting and loud talking. We’ve even heard them having very, very loud sex.
It just gets me so down at times. I hate living in my own home. I did contact the council about the previous owners’ dogs and they sent a letter to them about the noise. I haven’t saved enough money yet to move out and I’m starting to feel like a prisoner in my own home. What can I do?
Coleen says
I get a lot of letters about difficult and noisy neighbours. It’s a very tricky situation.
It can really affect your well-being and quality of life. There are rules about noise, but if you live in an adjoining property and the walls are thin, there’s not much you can do about raised voices and, um, sex.
However, you’re doing the right thing saving up enough to be able to move into your own place, so focus on that.
Maybe you can wear earplugs at night or earphones with calming music to escape the noise until you fall asleep.
Or move your bed into a different position or even a different room that’s less noisy.
Maybe you could also stay with friends occasionally to get a bit of time away. And talk to your parents about it, too.
I think if the noise is constant and very loud, you have a right to politely point out to the neighbours that the walls are thin and you can hear them.
It might be enough to make them more considerate. This kind of thing could happen anywhere where you are in close proximity to other people, but you have to try not to let it overtake everything.
But make it your incentive to keep working hard in order to move out.
Dear Coleen
My husband is extremely secretive when it comes to money matters.
I have discussed this calmly with him many times, and also had heated fights over it, so I find it hard to believe he doesn’t know this is an issue for me.
However, I still have to find things out rather than him just telling me, which angers me even more.
For example, he will take money from my drawer and not inform me he’s taken it and then he won’t put the money back.
It’s only when I go to use it that I see it’s missing and then have to confront him over it. I’ve come to the conclusion that he is either a liar or a really bad communicator who doesn’t see the importance of being open about these things.
But because we are having more and more arguments, I’m finding it harder to believe the latter. As I said, I have spoken to him about it, but I never get a satisfactory explanation and do not know what more I can possibly do. What do you think?
Coleen says
Yes, there’s a possibility he’s lying about something like a gambling addiction, but I don’t think you’re going to get to the bottom of it by being accusatory.
The way to approach it should be along the lines of: we’re a couple and if you feel you need money that’s fine, but tell me about it.
Don’t just accept his silence. He’s fuelling your suspicions and that’s what he needs to understand. Tell him you’re more upset that he’s scared of telling why he needs this money than the fact he’s actually taking it. I don’t know if you have joint finances or whether the money is yours, but maybe he feels embarrassed having to ask permission every time he needs $20 to go for a drink or buy something. Maybe he feels like you’re his mum and he’s asking for pocket money. Ask yourself honestly if there’s a better way to run your finances.
Obviously, if his taking money is affecting things to the point where you can’t pay bills, then it’s a serious issue. If that’s the case, and until he talks to you about why he’s taking this cash, then don’t leave it in your drawer and go back to having separate finances and accounts. — Mirror Online
