‘My fiance jilted me on our wedding day’

Dear Coleen
I HAVE been married to my husband for 14 years and we’ve been together for 20. We met when I was 19 and he was 24. He’s a lovely man but I’ve often wondered whether I married him because I loved him or because I just wanted stability, my own parents split up when I was little.

We married a few years after meeting and had twin sons, who are now 10. Life with twins has been very busy and both me and my husband work, so it was easy to ignore the fact we grew apart. I stopped fancying him and I resented how little he did around the house.

Earlier this year I went on a training course and met a wonderful man. There was an immediate attraction and on the last day we ended up kissing.
To cut a long story short, we started an affair and within a few months we were making plans to leave our partners to be together told my husband everything and said I wanted a divorce but this other man backed out mainly for the sake of his young daughter.

I was heartbroken and felt let down. I know I’ve done the right thing leaving my husband but can’t get over this other man leaving me. How can I make him see sense?
Coleen says
The brutal truth is you can’t make him see sense. You took a gamble and it didn’t pay off.

Perhaps once reality kicked in and you left your husband, it made him realise he had to leave his wife, he panicked and started to question whether he could do it. Of course you feel hurt, humiliated and let down, as I’m sure your husband was when you left him. But you should take heart that you made a decision that was the right one for your marriage. Forgetting this other guy for a moment, you admit your marriage wasn’t happy so perhaps this affair was the prompt you needed to move on. So my advice for you now is to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and get on with it. And when you do meet someone else and you will, don’t get involved with the married kind.

Dear Coleen
I’ve been going to the gym for a while now and I’ve got into shape. I attended classes where I met a trainer and we just instantly clicked.
We have a real laugh together and are now very close. He’s also become my personal trainer.

I love being with him and we even go for coffee after a session sometimes.
However, he has a girlfriend.

I realise my behaviour isn’t brilliant, as I have to admit that we do flirt all the time and are probably too close. But I just feel so at ease with him.

I don’t know what to do. Should I stop having training sessions with him? Because he’s in a relationship, neither he nor I could ever be anything other than friends.
However, I know if he was single that something could definitely happen between us.
Help appreciated!

Coleen says
Well, if you can accept that nothing romantic can happen and you trust yourself not to cross the line even if you’re tempted, then carry on.

It’s important to get on with your trainer and have a rapport.

I flirt with my trainer (it’s the only thing that gets me through the session), but I don’t go for coffee with him afterwards.

If you have these feelings for your PT, keep your relationship inside the gym. Don’t go for coffee or a drink, or anything else. That’s when you could get into trouble.

If you literally can’t stop thinking about him and it’s stopping you from meeting someone else, then maybe you do need to think about changing gyms or finding another PT.
Dear Coleen

Just before Christmas, my fiance jilted me on our wedding day and, as if that wasn’t bad enough, I was six weeks pregnant at the time, which he knew.

We agreed to keep things amicable for the sake of the baby and carried on seeing each other up until the end of March after he moved to London in January.

During this period we slept together several times and he still told me he loved me and so on. What I didn’t know was that he was seeing another girl at the time – and is still seeing her to this day.

She has no idea that he cheated on her with me or that I’m pregnant with his child. The problem is, none of his friends or family know about the baby either.

His parents were always very interfering and hated me after he lied about me to them during our relationship.

An ex co-worker informed his mother that I was pregnant, but he carried on with his lies and denied it, so we fell out at the end of March and I haven’t spoken to him since.

It is driving me absolutely mad that I was able to forgive him and move on from the jilting, only for him to behave like this and to abandon our son while lying to this other girl, who is besotted with him.

It’s not fair that he totally destroyed my life – I lost my home and my job, and had to move back in with my parents with our two dogs.
He abandoned me when I needed him the most and is now living a cushy life while lying to everyone around him.
I want the truth to come out, but I don’t agree with friends who say I should contact either his girlfriend or his family.

My baby will be here any day now and this issue is growing more and more stressful for me. What do I do?

Coleen says
I don’t think you should contact the girl – it’s not her fault and your child isn’t her responsibility.

I feel sorry for her, too, but at least you’ve escaped from this horrible person.

I’m sure the girl will find out soon enough what a liar and a cheat he is, and I’m certain she’d be horrified by the way he’s treated you.

However, I do think when your baby is born, you should send his family and him a note to inform them that their grandchild and his son has arrived. This is a horrendous situation and you must have so much anger and hurt boiling away inside of you.

What I can promise you, though, is that when your son is here and if you put all your energy into caring for him, he will bring you so much joy.

Every minute of your day will be taken up with him, so you won’t have time to think about your ex.

I don’t know if he will want to be involved in your son’s life in any way but, as hard as it is, avoid badmouthing him in front of your child.

When your son is old enough, he’ll understand that his father wasn’t there for him, but that you were.

As wonderful as your friends and family are, you must lean on them for support . I think counselling would help, too. It’ll help you to reframe things in a positive light.

Now he’s out of your life, it’s cleared the way for you to meet someone else who deserves you and with whom you can create a happy life. Good luck. — Mirror Online