The ManicaPost
I know a lot of men are, but mine has a problem; or maybe the problem’s mine I really just don’t know.
Three times over our nine-year marriage I have caught him out. He’s promised never to do it again and each time I believed him. Last time his mother had died and as he was distraught I took him back again and he swore he would be faithful to me forever for his mother’s sake, and in her memory.
I really believed him, and based on a whole new start I allowed myself to become pregnant. My parents who are very close to me said it wouldn’t work and he wouldn’t change, but I wanted to give it a chance.
Two weeks ago I found out he’s been sleeping with one of his old friends’ wives. I have confronted him and he says it just happened and that he finds her sexy, but only while I’m pregnant and then he will want to be with me again. My baby is due this August.
What do I do? I really don’t think I love him anymore or want to go on with this — but is that unfair on the baby?
Jane says . . .
Oh you dear girl, I am so sorry. This is one of the saddest stories ever.
This man is clearly a serial adulterer and also a liar. The very fact he said that to you — blaming your pregnancy on the fact he’s lied and been unfaithful yet again tells me he’s just no good.
I could tell you to talk to him and give him time but I don’t think that will work. Maybe in the future he will see the error of his ways — but for the moment you must put yourself first, and try to get some support from — hopefully your parents initially — and in my view try to find yourself a place near them in which to bring this baby up to be loved and supported.
Sometimes it’s so hard to face the future but I can promise you it wont be that bad. Love dies under intense pressure and I believe you’ve had that. Speak to him and tell him enough is enough. If he wants you and his child then he can come and see you but only when he proves himself will he be able to have you both back permanently
Good luck angel xx
Dad’s girlfriend is charming
My parents have been divorced for the past eight years and I have recently met my father’s girlfriend who, despite my reservations at first, is quite charming.
We later clicked and became friends. This made my mother so angry and I can tell that she wants me to despise her as much as she does. I feel trapped as she expects me to side with her.
BOITUMELO replies:
Are you sure your father’s girlfriend is not charming you to be on her side as well? It must be difficult to be put in a position where you have to choose between your parents. Help your mother to understand that you can’t be made to choose and she must reserve her bitterness to herself. It’s been eight years since the divorce, and that she can’t be rational about the situation suggests that she has not emotionally divorced her ex-husband.
MOM replies:
Your mother is causing herself cancer unnecessarily. She is holding on to a grudge that may make her sick. There’s nothing wrong with you befriending your stepmother. Your mom may need to get some therapy to enable her to move on or get herself a boyfriend. She needs to accept things she cannot change.
QUESTION: I have been dating a married man for five years. We have a five-month-old baby. His wife knows about our affair and our child. In the past he has talked about making me his second wife. I don’t have a problem with that but lately he is dragging his feet. I really love him and I want a future with him. What do I do?
MOM replies: How many futures can this man have in a one lifetime? He is already enjoying his future with his real wife and children. The only thing you need to get from him is child maintenance. You must go out there and get your own man. That one is taken. It was very short-sighted of you to bear a child with him. There are seven billion people on earth; go find your own man.
Boitumelo replies: A man who really wants you will pursue you until you are his and he will not be making empty promises. You settled for being second and those are the conditions that come with that position. I am surprised you are complaining because you knew that he is already a divided man. His time, resources and attention to your needs will always be second because you agreed to share it with his wife and family, who are most probably his first priority. You are still saying it’s fine to be his second wife. Why do you expect him to prioritise your relationship? This is how things will be, and you are already crying about his actions. This is your decision, you agreed to it. — ONLINE.
