The ManicaPost
Dr Mazvita Machinga
| JUST this week, I was listening to news from the radio and to my surprise, I heard very disturbing news that sex workers are hanging out with teenagers (to be precise 14-17-years-old). I heard women voices saying:“I am 35 and I am in love with 14 or 16-year-olds. People need not to blame us for falling in love with these young children because it is them the boys who follow us at our places. These young boys love us to such an extent that they even refuse to go to school and even their homes”. |
Appalling indeed! This is very sad without doubt and should not be condoned at all. What is happening to our children? Why are these adults doing this to our children? All these questions have no simple answers.
This has made me write about conduct disorders. As parents, it is important that we protect our children and ensure their safety where ever possible.
On the other hand, we know that there are children who often violate rules regardless of parental efforts. They stay out late despite parental prohibitions, some run away from home, some often truant from school.
All these disturbing behaviours do not just happen once. Parents and caregivers may begin to notice some red flags, and sometimes pay no attention at all.
It is important that when as a parent you notice that the behaviour of your child is causing clinically significant impairment in social, academic or occupational functioning, it must straight away be a matter of concern. The sooner the treatment for conduct disorder is started, the more likely the child will learn adaptive behaviours, practice socially acceptable behaviours and avoid potential complications.
How do you know that your child needs help?
Children with conduct disorder typically do not perceive their behaviour as problematic. These are children who think there is nothing wrong with whatever they are doing as long as their peers are doing so too.
When you try to talk to your child and then he or she lashes, has chronic argumentative nature or continues with defiant behaviour then you need to quickly intervene.
In addition, these are children are often tough to control and are reluctant to follow rules. Most of these children act impulsively without considering the consequences of their actions.
They also don’t take other people’s feelings into consideration.
Deliberate aggressive conduct, deceitful behaviour and harmful activities are symptoms that help is needed for such a child. When a child is constantly skipping school, running away from home, drug and alcohol use and sexual behaviour at a young age, it means that the child needs some help.
How can you help a child who is developing or who has conduct disorder?
If parents and caregivers do not act quickly, a child is likely to have ongoing problems. These problems may spill into adulthood and the child may find it hard to adapt to the demands of adulthood.
So, first of all it is important that every parent who has a teenager participate in parental behavioural training/education.
This training assist parents with effective responses. For instance, parents needs to avoid over-reacting/personalising. They also need to avoid just talking (verbosity without acting). Parents need to be consistent, loving and patient. As parents there is need to help our children with the following skills:
Resist peer pressure
Recognise and resist adult negative influences
Use problem-solving strategies such as self-control, stress management, and appropriate assertiveness
Set goals and improve self-esteem and
Communicate more effectively
In that way, we will have prepared our children not to be victims of exploitation and abuse.
For more help in parent training and other skills for children, feel free to seek counsel from a qualified mental health specialist, clergy or other trusted person who can help. Early intervention will serve your child from the effect of destructive behaviour. Do not delay.
Dr Mazvita Machinga is a qualified psychotherapist based in Mutare. She can be contacted at 0771 754 519 or 0778 8384 10 email address [email protected].
