I am a 29-year-old man and have been in a relationship with my late best friend’s wife, who is 26. My mate died in a car accident.
I was her shoulder to cry on initially, but then our relationship stepped up a level.
We have a mutual friend, a man of 34, who thinks I am wrong for making a move on her.
I texted him when I was drunk and the messages were not very nice.
I regretted doing it the next day and tried to apologise but he told me to get lost. I do not know what to do.
DEIDRE SAYS: Invite him for a coffee and explain that you miss his friendship. Tell him your texts were inexcusable and you are truly sorry, but if you could both do something in your friend’s memory such as a half-marathon, it will focus your mind and keep you from drowning your sorrows.
DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband can be really abusive if he takes a dislike to you.
He is a real Jekyll and Hyde character.
The worst thing is that my daughter is the main focus of his abuse. He has always hated her since we first met 20 years ago when she was 15.
She has tried to get along with him for my sake, but he makes no effort. He is arrogant and offensive.
I am nearly 60 and he is 61. I dread family get-togethers.
If family friends arrive and my husband dislikes them, he thinks it is OK to be nasty.
If he likes them, they are unaware of this other side.
He is hurting me, too, but does not realise. I love my daughter and wonder if I want to be married to this man.
DEIDRE SAYS: His behaviour towards your daughter is insufferable and must have been very damaging when she was only a teenager.
However, it may still be a great relief for her to hear you stand up to him.
Tell him you are on the point of walking away because of his abuse of others.
Only stay if he will go for counselling with you and wants to change.
DEAR DEIDRE: Trying for a family, without success, put a strain on my marriage.
Now I have got another girl pregnant.
My wife and I were desperate for a baby but nothing happened and I lost interest in sex. I am 33, my wife is 30 and we have been together for eight years.
A very pretty new woman came to work as a temp at my firm almost a year ago. She made it clear she fancied me and we flirted a lot.
We ended up having sex after going out for a drink one evening but agreed it was a one-off.
I forgot all about her but she phoned last week and says she is about to have a baby and it is mine.
My wife is now pregnant though and I do not know what to do.
DEIDRE SAYS: I do understand your panic. But insist on DNA tests.
You probably told this girl about your fertility problems and she could be trading on that.
If this is your baby, be honest with your wife and hope she will try to save your marriage for the sake of the baby you are having with her.
If the other child is yours, remember it is not that baby’s fault. He or she needs a committed dad, even if living separately.
DEAR DEIDRE: I am having sex with a guy at work and know deep down I would in a heartbeat if I had the chance.
The trouble is I am a married woman with a little girl of five and I love my husband — but this did not stop me from starting an affair with my colleague.
I am 28. My husband is 31.
This colleague and I had always got on well and sometimes we stopped off for a drink on the way home from work.
One night when my husband and our daughter were staying with his mum, we had a drink at mine. Inevitably we kissed, then we kissed again.
It was as though everything had built up inside me and I could not stop myself.
We told each another we were at my house because we wanted to get a takeaway but we both knew what it was really all about.
We could not wait to get upstairs and get our clothes off. The sex was really passionate.
Somehow I have to cope with seeing him at work and acting as though there is nothing going on.
He finds it even more difficult because he hates the fact I am married. He is single and 27.
We exchange long, lingering looks at work. Whenever he can, he touches me as he passes by.
Our conversation is strained because none of it is what we really want to say.
Am I fooling myself in thinking I can be in love with two men at the same time?
My lover is all I think about when I am not busy with work, running a home or being with my little girl.
I think about him as I drift off to sleep and I dream about him. When I wake up, he is the first thing I think about.
We have sex whenever we can. I know I cannot go on like this but I could not bear to give him up.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your affair may be your secret for now but it is already damaging your marriage by draining the passion out of it, let alone the explosion there will be when your husband realises what is going on — as he will before long.
You say you love your husband, so this affair is really about the attraction of the new and different.
This can easily happen but it can also be resisted, and it must be if your little girl is not going to have her heart broken by her parents splitting up.
Tell your lover your conscience says you must try to save your marriage. Can you move to a different department at work, or even move job?
Try pouring energy into your marriage and sex life. It will help distract from missing your lover and strengthen bonds with your husband. – THE SUN.