Dear Tete Barbara —
I am in a mess that is giving me sleepless nights. Ten months ago, I met two girls at a party. One was loud and fast, the other was reserved, both very beautiful .
The quiet girl captured my heart, but the loud one stole my attention and she quickly clouded my judgement with her free spirit and unguarded nature.
In no time we were dating and she fell pregnant. As a responsible man I decided to marry her for the sake of my child, but the truth is that I am in love with her friend.
Every time I see that girl, my heart knows that she is the one. I fear that I may act on my emotions and ruin everything. What can I do? I love my wife and unborn baby, but I think I love her friend more.
Tete Barbara Responds:
It pays to take your time when getting to know a person, especially if you are thinking of making them a part of your life.
Taking time allows you to learn your partner’s core values, get to know her family and friends, go through and overcome stressful situations and also create memories together. However, you are now married to the girl of your choice.
You picked her clearly because you were attracted to her more than the other girl. Remember that you are about to become a father and you now have a commitment, not just to your wife, but now also to your unborn child.
You need to deal with the side of you that keeps thinking that you should have picked the other girl because that is a characteristic you do not want to carry.
Make up your mind and hold on to what you have chosen. It is also important to know that the first months of a marriage are the most difficult because you will be trying to blend and mould your union into a sensible structure.
When you feel like you rushed into marriage or that you made a mistake, breathe and hold on. Spend more time with your wife, lesser time with the other one and bond with your baby. You will settle down soon just want to be there and show up to stay.
Open your heart.