The ManicaPost
Dear Mummy Felstead,
I had a boyfriend who I was very close to, I have never felt a stronger connection before! He helped me with so much and always treated me well. We broke up due to arguments and a lot of other reasons.
We were meant to get back together, but sadly, his mother lied about certain things and me and her had a huge argument. So, it was almost impossible to be together again. Well, since then me and him still kept on seeing each other, not as often, but it felt just the same each time. Our feelings were still the same, and then one day things got out of hand and he told me he cares about me, but we can’t carry on talking because we are just going to hurt each other again. So he stopped talking to me and I was distraught. We didn’t speak for three months!
During those three months I acted stupidly and thought by flirting with his friends, it would bring him back. But it didn’t, only until I stopped, he called me out of the blue and we cleared things up, and he told me he missed me and still cared, but didn’t want to be a part of my life because I hurt him so much.
I apologised time and time again, and each time he just got more angry about it. He just doesn’t want to know me any more. And what’s making it worse is the guilt I’m feeling for what I’ve done to him, because he would never have done such a thing to me. I acted so out of character and feel so guilty I hurt someone I love so much.
I know it is my own fault, but deep down I feel like he was the one for me. And I simply can’t let go of what we had!
I don’t know what to do, please help?
Thank you x
MY THOUGHTS:
Hi Angel
This is a sad little story. I can feel how you are hurting, but there is nothing anyone – including you, can do.
All this stuff that has gone on between you both is devastating – but actually you know in the world of the young where people are still forming – it is very normal. You are still learning, and these types of situations happen often as we grow. We go through life without a handbook, not understanding what’s expected of us – or how to deal with situations when they do.
How can you know that flirting with his friend wasn’t going to work…make him jealous. You’re only young – you have to find these things out.
We are indoctrinated by the media not to accept this and that and the only way we know how to proceed is to just do it. It’s only when that goes wrong that we understand that it was perhaps a bad decision – and we remember next time ‘‘we learn!’’
Now having said that there is something else here. Boys in particular are really bad about keeping girls on the hook. This boy is telling you all these amazing things – how much he cares, etc – but he’s not actually committing to anything other than making you feel bad. I sometimes think they really don’t want the relationship because they are generally too immature to cope with a full on love thing – but they seem to love putting somebody through the guilt trip that goes with the break-up and heartache. This sort of makes them feel valued/important – they too love a bit of drama – and let’s face it they’re also only kids.
Put this whole episode behind you. See your girlfriends and talk about it. Try to have some fun – laugh and go out. Know that this one was far too complicated and that if it was the right thing, it would have all happened.
You sound to me that you are at the beginning of life so don’t beat yourself up – or allow yourself to believe that he is ‘‘the one’’ – because he’s not.
It’s only in a few years time when you finally find the right one – which you will immediately identify by the lovely feeling of being complete – that you will remember my words.
Move on now. It may be that he comes back to you begging to try again – but I suspect he won’t. Put this one down to experience – buy yourself a new dress, smile, and stop beating yourself up. One day when you’re may age you won’t even remember his name.
Sorry I can’t say what I think you want to hear – but I must always be honest. You are going to be fine, put this behind you and step out into the light.
With love
Dailymail.
