How to say no without getting fired

Matters of Human Resources : Kudakwashe Melisa Kapesa

Thank you for your feedback, I value it very much, continue emailing me at [email protected] or send me a message on Facebook on Kudakwashe Melisa Kapesa with your questions, comments and even suggested topics you would want us to discuss about. Also thank you Christian Sauti from Border Timbers and Grace Marere for reaching out!Now on to this week’s topic, “how to say no without getting fired”. This topic was inspired by my good friend who was in dilemma when her male, married boss had shown interest in her but she was not interested and did not know how to decline but also did not want to jeopardize losing her job. I told her this was called sexual harassment and it was her right to report the matter, but she remained sceptical as she feared losing her job.

The Labor Act prohibits sexual harassment at the workplace. Sexual harassment is considered one of the “unfair labour practices” and is a punishable offence.

The Labour Act strictly prohibits asking for sexual favours, passing of inappropriate comments and jokes, unwanted touching, hugging or kissing at the workplace.

I believe such is occurring in many work environments and females are usually 80% of the victims.

Today I will help answer my dear friend and other individuals who are facing the same predicament.

Moreover this is not directed to the female population only, but also males especially with the changing trends and culture.

Gone are the days when the males were the only ones pursuing women, nowadays some females are on the fore front pursuing the men.

What then do you do when your boss or supervisor proposes love to you, but you are not interested? Do you decline and risk losing your job?

After all the job market is not that promising. Or do you accept even if it is not what you want and you risk losing your value, self worth and the respect of your fellow co-workers? It is a dilemma, right? Well not really, you just have to be tactful in how you go about this; therefore today our focus is ‘how to say no without getting fired’.

The first step on ‘how to say no without getting fired’ is to avoid operating in the victim mentality or blaming yourself when your boss inappropriately proposes love to you.

Distance yourself with the problem, like what my mother always tells me, “do not take ownership of problems which are not yours”. Similar with this situation, some might start thinking perhaps it is the way they dress, or the way they talk or walk.

In my own opinion if that was never your motive or intention, then it is not your problem, it is theirs.

The moment you start feeling like a victim, you put yourself at a vulnerable state, you feel dis-enabled and you might actually feel like accepting the dreadful inappropriate love proposal because you have made yourself the “victim”.

The second step is to communicate your denial to the proposal effectively to your boss but yet avoiding being awkward about it. At work the assumption is they are mature adults and maturity is not always about age but mostly the state of mind.

Therefore, you should be able to tell your supervisor directly that you are not interested in their love proposal and that you wish to not mix your personal life with work.

There is no need to be rude in communicating but you should be direct, clear and firm so that they will not get any mixed signals and feel there is hope.

Moreover when denying the proposal, imagine that your boss is an ordinary person you are not interested in who is pursing you so that you remove the pressure.

The next step is to continue doing your best in your job, be mature about it! Continue showing the same respect to your boss, continuing doing the tasks you have been given and working hard generally.

Even if they were thinking of mistreating you after your refusal, they themselves will be ashamed.

This is what we call reverse psychology because you have reversed the roles and the power without them knowing it. Continue showing them respect, even if they do not deserve it, it is not as a reflection of their character, but yours!

Moreover avoid confiding in office mouthpieces or office vuvuzelas. These are the grape vine at your workplace, the gossipers and the half truth rumour spreaders.

These people are everywhere, therefore avoid confiding in these people at your workplace because the news might come out untruthful and exaggerated. Ironically this might then actually get you fired because it would appear as if you want to taint your boss’ image. However I am not saying you should not confide in someone, but confide in someone whom you trust and who will give you good advice.

Moreover if your boss continues proposing love to you even after you have firmly declined, then now you should keep the evidence and report it to the Human Resource office or to someone you trust who has a superior standing. The evidence can be emails, text messages, letters, notes they sent to you or even previous call logs.

This reminds me of a time when I witnessed a young lady who was spared her job because of the evidence she had kept.

After  refusing to accept the love proposal of her supervisor, this supervisor then without any shame framed this young lady and had told the manager that the lady was lazy, did not have any good work ethics and it was best to fire her.

Luckily for this young lady, she had kept the sexual harassment evidence which her supervisor sent to her on a regular basis and inappropriate pictures of himself. Therefore at the end, the evidence she had kept not only made her keep her job, but this supervisor of hers was demoted and relocated and she had her peace once again.

The next step is to avoid taking “simple” favours from your boss.

These favours may seem somewhat simple, but really in this world nothing is ever for free apart from the oxygen we inhale.

These favours might include lunch favours, airtime, leaving work early or even money.

Therefore, if they insist on these small favours, you kindly decline.  Moreover avoid being alone in a room with them for a long time because people‘s intentions are hidden.

To conclude, that is how you can say no without getting fired! Distance yourself with the problem, decline the proposal directly to them, continue doing your best at work, avoid their somewhat “simple” and “harmless” favours.

Always remember that your reputation is more important than your pay check and your integrity is far more important than your career! For comments, views and contributions send to [email protected]