DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER coming home from work, my boyfriend confessed to leading a double life with another woman and a daughter they have together.
He is 28 and I’m 26. We’ve been together for eight years. He’s a plumber and gets plenty of work but lately he’s been skint.
Two months ago he told me he’d cheated on me three years ago when I was visiting my dad. He’d been drunk and woke up in a woman’s bed.
He said he left her house immediately only for her to contact him months later saying she was pregnant. She threatened to tell me so he told her that we’d finished. Their daughter was born. He had DNA tests done and he’s been seeing her and supporting her financially. I’m devastated.
DEIDRE SAYS: Of course you are but it is clear he loves you.
He’s being a responsible dad, which every child deserves. The best you can do now is build a bond with her yourself. He must be honest with his child’s mother so you can get to know his daughter.
DEAR DEIDRE: MY daughter’s boyfriend is manipulative, controlling and verbally abusive.
He reads her emails and phone messages and accuses her of cheating.
He says she’s seeing somebody when she’s going to the gym, even though it’s obvious she’s been there. She’s 22 and her boyfriend is 30. I’m her mum and I’m 45.
The rest of the family dislike him but they don’t know what I know. I’m worried he will flip and become more violent. I’d like to tell him he’s not welcome but he intimidates me my best mate
DEIDRE SAYS: She may not recognise she’s in an abusive relationship as he’s not got physical (yet) but control and coercion is a sign of abuse.
You can’t split them up but you can explain why you’re worried about her, that he intimidates you and you fear he is undermining her.
I’ve been a stay-at-home mum for the last 10 years, but for the last few I’ve been feeling very unfulfilled and have tried to get back to work.
My husband hasn’t made it easy for me and has made me feel guilty every step of the way by saying I should be there for our children.
I’ve now found myself a part-time job which I love, but my husband keeps accusing me of fancying the guys I work with (I don’t) and making snide comments to the kids about how I don’t need them now I’ve got my new job.
I just wish he’d be happy for me. Why is he acting like this?
Uh-oh. I’m sorry but your husband sounds like a controlling and massively insecure man. It’s his own insecurities making him act like this, but I wouldn’t let him win.
You are there for your kids, and you have been there for your kids fully for the last 10 years. Many mums return to work much sooner, whereas you had a decade of focusing solely on your kids and now, understandably, you want to get a little bit of yourself back. — Sun.