The ManicaPost
The marriage relationship can be and is challenging depending on the maturity of each partner. The biggest issue in marriage is unrealistic expectations of each other in the relationship.
When you are expecting someone to give you or fix something about you that they do not know how too, it’s a disaster in itself waiting to happen.
Even I am unable to fix my partner with all my knowledge and supposed experience, I still cannot and will not take responsibility for the moulding of my adult partner it’s an unrealistic expectation, and vice a versa.
Sadly many people get married to someone with the thought that this person is going to be their saviour. They believe somehow this person will always make them happy no matter what. Of cause I can see where this confusion comes from.
It comes from the fact that when you are dating someone, they give you their best side, they try to be loving, caring, happy, and they have you and your needs on their mind most of the time. It’s normal, it’s called the ‘chase.’
The man spends much of his time chasing his ‘prey’ the woman, and she spends much of her time making sure she looks good enough and pleasant enough to be caught.
During this phase both individuals are not in what I call their normal frame of mind. It is all about pleasing the other person. They are being moved by emotion and adrenaline and every other happy hormone out there. This hormone is temporary and reality soon sets in once the relationship settles down.
Once you are married, you will find out things about your partner, that you had no idea about that person when you were dating (good and bad). This is why I always say do as much as you can with your partner in the way of getting to know them, their likes etc before you marry them, so that you are not in shock once the ring is on.
Your joy is your own responsibility. It is unrealistic for someone to think their partner will make them happy all the time, that’s impossible. Your joy is your own responsibility not your partners. You need to already feel good about yourself.
An insecure person will wear your partner out, because you are constantly looking for someone else to make you feel confident, secure, happy etc., I am sorry but only God can achieve that.
There is no way your human partner can have you on their mind all the time (except when you are dating). There is nothing wrong with expecting your partner to show a little appreciation now and then, but when they don’t you cannot have an emotional outburst or breakdown or you go off and have an affair to feel appreciated. That’s insecurity right there.
Remember that once you get married, you now need to build a life for the two of you, and that means your focus now shifts to the building bricks. Focus shifts to making money, having kids, finishing education, maybe travel, building a business, building the home etc. Then in between all this you make time for each other.
Now if you are relying on your partner to make you happy during all this building, what happens when they are too tired to give you the attention you need? What happens when they forget to compliment you on something? What happens when they forget a birthday or anniversary? What happens when they are late to pick you up or they spend more time at work for a season than with you? Do you throw a fit, threaten to leave, accuse them of having affairs, report them to relatives, beat them out of jealousy and so forth?
When a person lacks confidence, they will always go to the darkest side of their personality or thought process whenever their partner cannot boost their confidence.
Listen people already the fact that men and women are different should tell you that there is no way the one can always meet the others needs. Men will never understand the mood swings a woman goes through when she has her monthly period or when she is pregnant. Women will never understand male ego and how it affects men.
This is why it is important as individuals to make sure that you have friends that you can talk to and trust, during those times your partner is unable to build you up.
I am not saying those times when your partner is not giving you sex, go out and get it from somewhere else…you know that is not what I am saying.
That’s it from me this week folks. Until next week God bless.
The Marriage Doctor can messaged / whatsapped on 0733 285 730.
