Hello everyone, hope you are all good. Summer is finally here and it is hot, hot, hot shoooo. This week I am responding to a gentleman who seems to have a problem with his wife’s weight.
“Hello Fashion Diva, thank you for your column, but we need more men’s stuff please. The reason I am writing though, is that I have a wife who cannot stop eating, and she is now huge. She is a stay-at-home mother now. I cannot tell her she is too big now, because she will take offense, but I cannot stand to take her around with me now. When I met her she was big, but not huge like this. We have one child who is two years old now. Help me, before my marriage is affected. By the way I am also big, but I do not look bad, maybe because I am a man and tall. Also she likes wearing tights and joggings, with tight tops that show off everything. I cannot take it anymore. If I comment, she sulks or tells me I am jealous or tells me that is how I met her, or she accuses me of comparing her to other women. Once she even said I am having an affair. It is not true, but if she continues growing, I will have an affair, because touching her is difficult now, she is no longer attractive. Urgent,” wrote Eric.
Hello Eric, thank you for your important question. I am glad you asked for advice before commenting to your wife. Women and their weight is a serious, sensitive and complicated issue. I am glad you gave me all the details because I now can advice you based on the root issues.
Firstly Sir, you mentioned you and your wife were both big when you met, and that was not an issue. So at least you understand that she is not naturally a thin woman.
From the message, you seem to want your wife to control her weight gain, because you do not mind so much that she is voluptuous, your issue is obesity. Secondly, I think many men forget that when women fall pregnant, they pick up weight. Some pick up more than others depending on whether they exercise during the pregnancy, whether they are carrying a boy or girl and what type of food they eat whilst pregnant. Loosing the baby weight is not impossible especially with the first or second child, but it takes a lot of discipline and motivation. Also how quickly she looses the weight and how much depends on whether she had a caesarian section or how long she breast feeds.
Apart from the fact that your wife might be eating because she is bored or depressed, the following could be her issue. If your wife failed to exercise while she was pregnant, she is definitely going to struggle to shift the weight after birth. If she had a caesarean section, she will also have a problem shifting her stomach weight (that could take years).
Many women tend to eat for baby when pregnant, hence the crazy cravings during the pregnancy. But once baby is born the cravings usually go and a woman should go back to what is normal, but some women continue eating for two after birth, hence the crazy weight gain after birth. If your wife is a stay-at-home mom, she needs to make every effort to exercise and watch her food intake.
She needs to reduce her portion size of protein and carbohydrates (not stop), and increase her water, vegetables and fruits. The age of your child means the baby can run around now, so mom does not have to carry him or her as often. So your wife needs to be on her feet, running around with baby, that’s the best exercise. Also your wife may have a “thyroid problem or a blood pressure problem” both these may cause weight issues. If your wife is fine and is just abusing herself, maybe a membership to a gym might help her if you have the money to spare. If she has a best friend, she might enjoy going with her friend also.
Now how do you tell her? The truth of the matter is that no matter how gently you tell her, all she is going to hear, is that you said she is fat, or ugly and you do not love her anymore.
The best option is for you to make light of it in a conversation, by saying something like: “Bae, look at me, I’m picking up so much weight, this is not funny. You need to help me reduce this weight, by changing our eating habits and diet”. Or “Bae I think you and I need to start exercising, it is summer time and we want to look tip top. As for me I want to show your gorgeous shapely legs to my friends.” Or while holding her during a happy moment, you could tell her how you love her shape and then gently tease those areas that are now bigger than usual, but in a joking manner.
You get the picture Sir. You are either making the issue something you both share, or you are using the change of weather to make her aware that everyone needs to be in shape.
Depending on her nature, she may share the joke or retaliate, but, whichever she will take notice and make an effort to change. If the worse comes to worst, put the article where she can see, just cut off this section. It might help. After all I have changed your name. If however, she does not change after a few weeks, or if she makes no effort to try and do something, then the direct approach is necessary. Say it honestly, but gently and lovingly. Do not defend yourself if she gets mad, just apologise and let it be. We are women, after chatting to each other we usually come to our senses.
To deal with her negative dressing, I would suggest you tell her that if she loses a certain amount of weight by Christmas or by her birthday, you are buying her a new wardrobe, or you will give her a certain amount of money for every kilogramme she loses. Trust me; the weight will come off quickly.
Good luck. Hope this helps. God bless!
Fashion Diva can be contacted on 0772933845.