Difference between lobola and white wedding

21 Oct, 2016 - 00:10 0 Views

The ManicaPost

Hello there folks, how are you this week? I pray you have had a great week, and if not, then I pray the next week be great. This week I am answering a man who asked why is it necessary to have a white wedding when one has already paid lobola or bride price.

Okay I guess firstly one has to firstly agree that there is a difference between the bride price/lobola and a white wedding. The Bride price which is the English understanding of lobola is tribal culture in different nations. In India some of the tribe pay a Grooms price (for the man not the woman).

The “white wedding” is a Religious culture, started even before the first Christian church began. Both have been in society and in the world for centuries and over the years have changed their meaning, but still remain the same…’Bride price ’ and ’White Wedding’.

Now paying a bride price in the beginning in most nations was a) to show appreciation and thanks to the parents for raising such a price worthy daughter, b) once a women left her parents, she was considered a part of her husbands family and would not have much contact with her own especially in the form of assisting them.

So the price a family put on their daughter said if she was under her father she would be worth this much to the family, so for you the man to be taking her, it means we have lost financially that much per sae.

So the man would pay or reimburse the brides family for their loss, and c) the bride price was paid to the family to ensure that if anything tragic happened to the couple, the parents of the bride would take the kids and use the brides price (which by then should have been invested and increased), to look after the kids financially.

The latter became the major reason for paying bride price or lobola in times gone by, so that the kids were guaranteed of a decent life if their parents or a parent passed on or was unable to work for some reason.

In some cultures part of the money is put aside for the bride in the event her husband passes on or she gets divorced, she is assured that financially she will be okay, because the first payment towards the bride price was given to the parents to do as they wished. But the second half of the payment put aside for her.

Imagine if our parents/families used our bride price for the right reasons, there would not be the kind of issues we have now with child headed households, or the rise in street kids etc.
Now the white wedding, was in many countries a party or event held after the bride price was paid, for the family to celebrate the special occasion with the community around them.

In fact for those who did not believe in bride prices, they simply got married in court (a magistrate wedding). That ceremony was accompanied by a celebration after that for extended family, friends and others.

The early Church not necessarily Christian believed that a wedding done in court was blessed by the Law/Government, a wedding done between the families, was blessed by the family, but a wedding done in church was blessed by God.

This thinking was then adopted by the Christian church and thus became the norm or even law in some churches. So to simplify what I am saying. . . a government officer legalises ones marriage in a court marriage, a family official legalises ones marriage in the bride price wedding and a Man of God / Marriage officer legalises the marriage under God.

Now are we saying God does not recognise a wedding that is not done through a religious ceremony? Of cause he does. Marriage is a covenant between two people (a man and a woman).

What the earthly law or spiritual law recognise as the sign of the marriage is really the covenant made between both parties which happens when they exchange blood or bodily fluids in a sexual exchange (Yes those of you having sex everywhere are in the spiritual world making a covenant with the other person, in other words there are many married people out there in the spiritual realm, even if it is not done in the physical- think about that!). Now every marriage of cause needs to be declared by the couple openly, and witnessed to be deemed legal in every culture/nation/government.

Hence the need for the couple to come before a magistrate or Man of God, to declare that they do want to marry and to pledge their love and dedication to each other publicly. There must also be at least two witnesses, to say yes it was done as so.

So yes in many countries once a bride price is paid, the government will recognise the marriage as legal, but at the same time religious sectors (not just Christian), insist that for God to recognise it, there needs to be a church wedding.

From what I have stated before, we know that a marriage is recognised by God as such when a couple declare their love for each other and seal in a sexual act regardless of whether a priest or head of a church declares it legal. But religion (no matter which one), says a recognised wedding or marriage is one done under a church or religious entity.
Now do not mistake please a big lavish wedding party as the white wedding.

The Ceremony which is the same thing that happens in the magistrates court is what is deemed by law the actual wedding. The Reception/Party held after that, is just a celebration, for the couple to thank everyone who supported the couple throughout their courtship, as well as including those people that the couple as individuals felt had played a key role in their development as an individual of the years or in a period of their life.

So really here in Zimbabwe the government recognises a marriage after lobola is paid, and there is no reason why the couple cannot stay together after that. However we are also a religious country and most believe strongly that if you belong to a church, having a church wedding or white wedding is just as essential.

Hence we have couples still having a church/white wedding after paying lobola.
For those who are not keen on the whole white wedding thing and the expense that goes with it, but they want to be in right standing with the Law, family and the church, I would say……after paying lobola, have the marriage blessed in church on a Sunday by the head of the church (who unfortunately has to be a marriage officer is you have not got married in the magistrates court).

Then there will not be a need for a lavish party after or spending lots of money etc. It’s simple, it’s in line with all laws (traditional, religious, government) and everyone is happy.
That’s from me this week, until next week God Bless!

The Marriage Doctor can messaged / watsapped on 0772 933 845.

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