The ManicaPost
Ann Ruthenburg —
HELLO there everyone, how are you this week? This week, I am having a chat with ladies out there who constantly complain that no matter what they do, their men still have affairs and still do not show them as much love as they do to their mistresses etc.
These same women tell me that they are a shadow of the woman they used to be. They say they do not know who they are outside their relationship.
First, let me say it is so much easier for someone to give advice to others when you have not been through it. But I also know that there is nothing new on earth. What you have been through, someone else has been through that and someone else is going to go through it too.
The issue here is you and you needing to get through it as unscathed as possible.
The quicker you deal with the issue in your relationship, the less painful it will be.
Believe me, men also hurt and have tremendous emotion, but they process it so much quicker than women. Once a man decides there is nothing to do or things can’t change, they simply move on. It is unlike us women who continue to hold on and on.
So I guess this article is for those women who feel unable to get out or move on to a better place. I need to help you get through issues like what guys do.
Stop dwelling on the negative. Yes, I know it is hard, but women tend to spend tons of energy focusing on the negative, especially the negative we cannot change.
We also tend to re-hash situations over and over and over to no end. Let me tell you ladies, if you have tried everything and nothing has changed — STOP! You need to turn your focus onto something else.
If you think that is crazy, why don’t you look at how your man deals with things after you argue. He either starts acting like nothing happened, or he leaves you sulking while he goes off and has fun with his friends.
You are left sulking and calling or messaging everyone you know, telling them about the issue. By the time you see your man again, he has gotten over the issue, but you are more angry than before, yet you are the one who caused the increased anger by talking even more than was necessary.
If you are a woman feeling trapped, it is possibly because you have over time allowed the door to be closed on you and henceforth lost you self esteem and self awareness. Women very often lose themselves in their relations, their men and their kids.
So when all those things reject them, the women then feel like their lives are over. Women are just born that way, they are nurturing, and to nurture, you have to give a big part of you to that thing. So what we need for you to do is to get “You” back.
Who are you away from your man and or your kids or family? What were your dreams when you were still single? What were the things you liked then that you do not do now? I am not talking about crazy things that will end your relationship, I am talking about things that will remind you that you are a lovely person, fun person and a person who people want around and want to love regardless of your situation at the moment. So if you used to have tea once a week with the girls, start doing that again.
Please stop using money as an excuse. You had the money before your relationship, so you can make it again. What are you spending money on now that you can stop and reserve that dollar for tea once a week? That is just an example I am giving you.
The Marriage Doctor can messaged / WhatsApped on 0772 933 845.
