The ManicaPost
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DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS thrilled when I had a positive pregnancy test but my boyfriend freaked out and said he’d changed his mind.
We’ve been together for two years and he knew a baby is what I want most.
I have fertility problems and my doctor had advised I was in a now-or-never situation. My boyfriend agreed to try for a baby so we gave it our best shot.
I’m 23 and he’s 25 with a five-year-old son from his ex. I know money is tight but then no one was twisting his arm to make babies with me. That’s what angers me most.
He now says he’ll stay but he never once mentions the fact that I’m pregnant. I’ve decided I’ll cope if he leaves.
I love him but, with or without him, I’ll do this for me. Should I go it alone?
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sure you will manage brilliantly if it comes to it but you’re not at that point yet. Lots of dads-to-be don’t relate to pregnancy the way they will when their baby arrives.
This baby is important to you but does the dad know he matters, too? He may fear he was just a sperm-provider.
Show him you love him and want him around, both for you and the baby — for always — not just for that one crucial time.
DEAR DEIDRE
I cheated on the dad of my kids with my first boyfriend — should I tell him?
I’m 38 and have been married for ten years. I have three daughters, aged eight, six and two — and a husband. At the start of the year I was upstairs in bed on my own, searching on Facebook for friends from my school days.
Great minds think alike — I got a message right then from a guy I went out with when we were both 18. We were together for nearly five years. I checked out his photos and he’s aged really well.
We chatted for half of the night. My husband was snoozing in front of the telly and didn’t come up until two.
My ex had been married but then got divorced. He said no-one could match up to me.
He’s 43 and our sex life is rubbish these days. He has two sons who live with their mother, while he lives alone.
Of course, straight away we were planning to meet. He lives in London and I live in Wales, so it was a job to arrange.
In the end I just told my husband a whole bunch of lies. I left him with the girls while I got on a train.
Last month I did that again and I stayed with my lover all weekend. It was bliss.
Now we FaceTime each morning and message all day. I want to be with him and he wants that too.
He says he was a fool to let me get away. My parents will be so upset when I tell them the news.
They so love my husband and hated my ex.
How do I talk to my husband and tell him I’m leaving and taking his daughters away?
DEIDRE SAYS: There’s no easy way and please don’t do it yet. You’re better off thinking this all through again.
Of course it’s exciting to meet an old boyfriend. It takes you away from the day-to-day grind and the worries of being a mum, but where is it heading?
If you go down this path you will have unhappy children and one day they will probably blame you for leaving their dad.
You will still be a mum and your life will soon be yet another routine. Don’t be too sure that your new life will be quite as good as you hope.
