The ManicaPost
Catherine Murombedzi
AS we approach World Aids Day which is marked globally on December 1, let us pose to think of caregivers.
We remember those who have succumbed to Aids-related deaths and their loved ones left behind. This brings me to an important issue of care-giving.
A reader of this column sent me the e-mail below:
“Dear Aunt, thank you for the counsel and updates you give us in the HIV field. It is pleasing that scientists are working on an HIV vaccine, it is the only way to end the pandemic. I have written, however, with an issue that needs urgent attention. My distant grandmother lives with her 10-year-old grandchild in the Nyabira area of Mashonaland West. Both parents died due to Aids-related illness. They left three children and unfortunately the youngest is HIV positive. Grandmother is over protective of the child. She does not want the child out of her sight. The only time she is away is when she is at school. The girl is on anti-retroviral therapy and has now started to ask why she takes tablets and no-one else does. Granny has told her that she has a heart problem and has to take those special tablets for life. I have tried to talk to granny and now she has blacklisted me. She does not want me at her home anymore. Please assist before the child finds out on her own,” wrote the concerned aunt.
I could feel the writer’s concern. I again even feel the grandmother’s concern too. She loves the girl and does not want anyone telling the child the truth which in grandmother’s circumstances is painful.
The first step in helping granny is to let her talk of her fears and personal feelings towards losing her children. Do not pre-empt her attitude before empowering her. Walk and talk with her step by step. Here is my reply to the aunt.
“Thank you for the love and concern you have for your niece and grandmother. I feel you and I also feel for grandmother’s concern. Grandmother feels she has to protect this golden child in any way possible and lying that she has a heart problem is one of the ways. Granny needs to first trust whoever she talks to about the child, she also needs to pour out her feelings about HIV and Aids.
Grandmother is the support and coping system that this child knows and I am aware granny will not want to lose the child after disclosure as the child may fail to cope. Talking about HIV with granny can be very sensitive and emotional, so always approach the topic with sensitivity and respect. If you find her unwilling to talk during that visit do not bring that issue up, rather talk of other issues. You can bring someone who granny trusts and listens to as long as the person is well versed with the topic, otherwise bringing in someone who does not understand can be disastrous. If this is beyond you, then I suggest you alert the clinic where she takes her grandchild in private and explain to them so that they engage granny on the issue next time she visits. Just offer a listening ear and assure granny that all will be well.
She can listen to a child in the same circumstances with her grandchild and this child is now a grown up. She can allow that person to talk to her grandchild not anyone else. I feel for you, but I feel granny’s concerns too.
So go to the clinic and alert the sister-in-charge on the issue. Children at that age are sensitive and grandmother does not want to be the source of pain to her grandchild. I understand her fully, good luck engage the nursing in charge,” I replied.
Caregivers are the most important support for children as seen on the above issue.
The grandmother sees disclosure as a negative aspect. She may also not fully understand that the grandchild is now safer than her children she lost who were not on ARVs. She has her myths and misconceptions and these result in real fear.
Granny is not in denial as she gives the child medication as prescribed which is good. Grandmother is anxious on disclosing to the child as she does not have the knowledge and skills to handle the whole issue.
Talking to granny on this issue is talking of death, so it is important to address her feelings and attitude before trying to disclose the child’s HIV status.
Keeping this a secret is also heavy on grandmother’s emotional wellbeing. Support groups come in handy here, but have to be an empowered support group, not one lacking in knowledge at all.
Grandmother needs help as being HIV positive to her means death.
Grandmother has fear, is helpless and does not want to cause pain to the grandchild at all. She is not happy as seen by the over protection she offers. That fear needs to be addressed first before trying to have the child know her HIV status.
Caregivers need to hear stories of hope that can be shared by youths who are now mothers and have HIV negative babies.
She needs to know that it is no longer a death sentence any longer. She is caring and loving so much that she has to concentrate on that and see the child graduate from college which is possible. Grandmother needs to be empowered since a positive attitude will help her cope better as she raises her loved grandchild.
Grandmother needs assurance of support anytime she needs it and always offers her appreciation in her role as a caregiver.
We have many people in the same circumstances as grandmother and they need total support coping mechanisms.
As we mark World Aids Day this year, remember caregivers. To them every day is World AIDS Day.
Feedback:[email protected]
