The ManicaPost
Ann Ruthenburg Marriage DoctorHello there folks, I hope you are all well this week. As you can see, this week my topic is on the issue that many men are complaining about and that is to do with their women doing cross-border business. Instead of giving you my thoughts on the matter, I decided to speak to as many women as I could who are in this business and this is what they had to say. . .so men listen up, it might help you understand.
Mmm, Aunty this is a difficult one in my family. My husband lost his job two years ago and we have two kids under five years old. So I realised that other women were making money going to South Africa and Mozambique and Malawi even Tanzania buying things to resell here. So I decided to try it.
Yes, my husband haachadii, but that is not his choice. Can we all sit at home and die of hunger when I can make money for all of us to feed? If the man can’t make money, then I must try. Right now I bring home enough money every time I travel to pay rent, school fees, food, buy clothes even for him and we all look good. I will never stop, unless he gets a job that can do the same.
Marriage Dr, I have been doing cross-border trading for five years now and handisi kumira while my husband decides what to do with his life. He is a drunkard and spends all his time drinking. He brings home $100 every month for me and my five kids. How does he want me to survive? Aiwa! When he took me from my family, I was living on $500 a month, how can he expect me now to continue with his lifestyle of $100? Right now Sisi, I bring home sometimes $1 000 in a month through my cross-border dealings.
My kids are in school, we are well fed, well dressed, we have medical aid even insurance, I send money to his parents in Buhera, I pay school fees for his younger sister etc. Does it even make sense when he complains?
Marriage Dr, it is true some of us who travel have boyfriends across the border (not all of us). We do not start off by going to look for men, what we only wanted was to buy our things and come back home to sell.
But when we are there, like 10 or more women will be sleeping in one small room, sometimes even men in there. It is not easy there, then we return home on the bus or kombi which is also a stress.
And when you get home, there are so many burdensome stories waiting for you especially with your hubby. So after a while of going there, it is obvious men that side get used to seeing us and they will try to lure us to sleep with them.
We are only human beings and we have weaknesses. For some of us whose husbands beat us back home, when we cross the border we fall into the arms of loving, caring men, who offer us better accommodation and spending money. Even if it is just for three days every month, it is worth it. Besides my husband has been cheating on me all these years, so why can’t I?
Sisi after three years of being happily married murume wangu akangotanga kuita zvinhu zvisinganzwisisiki.
He makes lots of money, but spends it on mistresses, leaving nothing for us.
So I started crossing the border to make money for me and my kids to survive. It is working well, but my husband is always accusing me of things like being a prostitute.
I ignore him because my family need to survive. I have no family to go back to, so I am stuck with him.
But that does not mean I have to suffer, I am uneducated, so all I can do is this work.
It brings me around $500 as profit every month which is even more than what some educated working women are getting, so I will not stop.
He used to give me $50 every month and expect me to live on it. If I got a new hairstyle, he would accuse me of spending most of his $50 on that imagine?
Dear Marriage Dr, our husbands need to know that this is work just like any other profession. It is as good as me working as maybe a teacher in another city. In fact, this is better because I do not travel for many days, just three days every two weeks or so.
And he gets to see the goods I bring in. It is all about trust between the couple.
My husband knows I am a respectable woman and I honour our marital commitment, but he also knows right now he is not working, so I need to bring in the money and he supports that. I do not give attitude, I keep some money and he gets some. It is working for us. So I do not see the problem.
Well, men that is more or less some of the feedback I receive. This is not all of it, but the above is the common thinking among women whose men are complaining. I hope it helps. And remember people, life is hard and everyone in our family has to play a part in making life easier for each other.
Let us try and support each other as much as we can, so that we do not see one straying outside the marriage.
That is it from me, until next week, God bless.
Marriage Doctor can be found at Osprey Wedding Venue, Penhalonga or messaged/whatsapped on 0772 933 845.
