The ManicaPost
DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend picks fights with my two daughters over the most trivial things. She is always making a big deal out of nothing and complains about them on social media.
I am a 37-year-old divorced guy. My girlfriend is 36. We have been together three years.
My daughters, who are 13 and 16, are well-behaved. When my eldest had her ears pierced, my girlfriend had a go at her about it.
But when her sister’s boys aged eight and 10 come over, she is lovely to them — even though they can be a handful.
I feel she is biased against my kids. I love her but I’m dreading rows at Christmas. I need to get her off her high horse before I call it quits.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your girlfriend sees your girls as rivals for your love but her behaviour is damaging to your daughters. Tell her you understand she feels threatened, that you love her and want to reassure her, but being a father is an important part of your life.
Be firm and tell her you won’t tolerate her being unkind to your girls. If she can’t be grown-up enough to make an effort she’s not right for you.
DEAR DEIDRE: MY married lover and I have had sex everywhere at work, even on our boss’s desk.
Our affair is really hot but it is getting out of hand. I am a 23-year-old guy, she is 33 and married. We were not attracted to each other at first but things got heavy over a rush job at work.
We stayed late to complete it. When the last bit of paperwork was finished, we hugged in celebration and a simple hug turned into a kiss.
After that, she started sending me flirty emails and dressing provocatively. She would lean over my desk, letting me see right down her top.
Then, one day, she said she was having the afternoon off and told me to leave early and meet her at a nearby hotel.
Initially, I decided to drive home but, suddenly, I did a U-turn and drove to the hotel.
We were all over each other the second the room door shut behind us, and we had amazing, passionate sex — the best I have ever had. Since then we have sex at work when everyone else has left.
It was fantastic at first but everything changed for me when I met her husband at an annual works party.
She claims that he doesn’t treat her well but he seemed like a really nice guy. We got on like a house on fire. He is 35 and works 14 hours-a-day, six days-a-week in a low-paid job for her and their five-year-old daughter.
I gave him my number when he asked, though I had doubts about it, and he has texted a few times about meeting up for a pint. She went mad and told me not to.
I said he seemed a decent guy. She said he’s different at home and things aren’t good between them but I still feel bad for him.
I have nothing to lose by carrying on with her but her marriage could be destroyed and I am not sure she would even care.
DEIDRE SAYS: You’re telling me the answer, really. You’re torn between your relish for the exciting secret sex (and maybe a feeling of getting one over work), but meeting your lover’s husband has brought home to you the likely human fall-out.
It’s so likely this nice guy will find out about your affair if you let it continue. His world would be blown apart and their girl would be affected for life.
Your lover would then probably expect a lot more commitment from you, too. Are you ready to take on family life with a distressed child?
End it now and tell her to work on her marriage. If she struggles with holding down a job and running a home she should sort that out with her husband. You’re best staying out of it.
Then look for the right girl in a relationship where you will have great sex and deep love as well.
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD secret sex with my mum’s best friend on the sofa in our house.
I’m 25 and I have known mum’s friend for most of my life, but I never really gave her a second thought.
To me she was just mum’s friend. She’s 48 and has two sons a bit younger than me.
She came round to our house one day in a right state. She’d had a bust-up with her boyfriend and was really upset.
Mum was in town getting her hair done, so I invited her in for a cup of tea and a chat. She really opened up to me and told me that her and her guy weren’t getting on very well.
I was feeling really sorry for her and I kind of saw her in a different light. She is really attractive and has looked after herself.
She’s got a great body and lovely blonde hair.
I put my arm around her to comfort her and the next thing I know I’m leaning in for a kiss.
She responded straight away and we kept kissing.
She started unbuttoning my shirt and jeans and we ended up having sex on my mother’s sofa.
It was amazing, the best I’d had in a while. I’ve been going through a bit of a sex drought.
Afterwards, we quickly got dressed and agreed that it shouldn’t happen again. She left saying she was too embarrassed to see my mum that day.
I was out clubbing a week later and I bumped into my mum’s friend at the bar.
She looked very sexy in a short skirt and tight top.
I bought her a drink and we danced for a while. I whispered to her and suggested we go outside for some fresh air.
We found a dark, quiet part of the car park and ended up having sex again.
It was even better than the last time. Now I feel that I want to see her again.
Are we both in the wrong?
DEIDRE SAYS: I can’t see a realistic future for you both.
For her, it’s just risky, no-strings sex — and an escape from her problems with her partner. For you it’s welcome sex — you haven’t got a girlfriend or had many opportunities recently.
But just stop and think about the reality of what would happen if you got found out or declared your love for one another. — Online.
