The ManicaPost
Arthur Marara Motivation for Success —
A healthy marriage or relationship can be a source of inspiration while an unhealthy one can be the source of all frustration and misery. Marriage is not a holiday trip; it is a life time journey. The years I have been a practising attorney, speaker and author I have seen a lot happening in marriages and relationships.
I trust you have also seen some marriages or relationships that are troubled. There is nothing as tormenting and traumatising as an unstable relationship. You can have all the money, all the cars, and luxury but this fact will always take away sleep from you. I have deliberately dedicated this series to share some thoughts which might help those who are single or thinking of getting married at some point in time.
This can also help those who are already married.
1. Love yourself first
You can never successfully love another person when you do not love yourself. A number of marriages/relationships are suffering at the hands of people who never took time to love themselves.
You can never be able to do for other people what you have failed to for yourself. People do not understand the concept of self-love, and hence the negative attitude towards it.
If I am going to love you better, I need to learn to love myself better. I cannot give you what I do not have. This is the first assignment that you have. Learn to create time for yourself, spoil and pamper yourself, take yourself out, and take good care of yourself. You will not have any problems doing this for anyone else if you have managed to do it for yourself.
2. Be clear on what love is
A lot of people have told people “I love you” without knowing what LOVE is. Some people have even been married without a clear or even an understanding of what love is. How do you define love in your relationship/marriage? Is that definition mutual? A lot of problems in relationships/marriages emanate from a misunderstanding of what love is.
Some define love in terms of presence, other in terms of presents, some in terms of money, some in terms of messages etc. Some people even search for love without even knowing what they are searching for. Have an understanding of what love is in terms of the word of God. Love your partner in the way that they define and understand love. This should however not be a basis for ungodly compromise if you are not married.
3. Be authentic
Do not be forced into a relationship, or marry in order to make someone happy. Marriage/ relationship is a personal decision that calls for originality and simplicity. You can lie to other people, but you can never successfully lie to yourself. One of the easiest ways to be frustrated in a relationship/marriage is to enter into it with an artificial image.
It has often been said by an Unknown Author, “Love is blind, but marriage is an eye opener.”
You should also be clear about your partner’s motive for being in a relationship. Many people have spent years and years in relationships without a clear understanding of where they are going.
This explains why many people at the end of the day people feel “used” and “abused” in their relationships. Where there is no clear vision and purpose in a relationship, parties abuse each other.
4. Work on being Mr/Mrs Right
Instead of searching for Mr/Miss Right, work on being Mr./Miss Right. Perfect partners or spouses exist in the mind. The world has real partners and spouses. Marriage is not meant for angels, but for human beings who have their shortcomings. Imperfect people, going into a perfect institution (marriage).
Work on yourself and you will find Mr/Miss Right close by. You can never attract what you are not. You want a faithful partner, start being faithful to an unknown partner, you want a better husband; start being responsible person to your own family. Whatever you are doing now is a seed into your future.
5. Give up, in-order to go up
Relationships thrive on healthy compromise. Never compromise on core values that define who you are. A relationship has the potential to build you or destroy you. Certain people backslide because of the people they were married to, while other people improve(d) in their spiritual lives because of the people they married.
Strive to bring out the best in your partner/spouse, and you will see the best in yourself. Give up certain things that do not add value to your marriage/ relationship even though they might entertain you. You cannot afford to live as a spinster/ bachelor while you are married.
Marriage/ relationship is about prioritising the feelings of your partner/spouse. Never do to your partner what you would not want them to do to you. This will solve most of the world’s problems.
6. Honesty and integrity
The way you enter a relationship is the way that you will use to sustain it. Some people conned their way into relationships/ marriages, others lied their way into relationships. The challenge with acting, is that the script will come to an end. It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. (Unknown).
If you use money to enter into a relationship, you will need to money to sustain it, but money is not everything by the way. ( Money can get you a house and not a home, food but not appetite). Be simple, be honest, be a person of integrity.
7. Assess your motives for being in a relationship
A lot of relationships are conditional, they are surviving because of the presence of something e.g. fame, money, wealth, prestige etc.The challenge with such an approach is that the relationship/ marriage hangs in the balance.
THE GREATEST THING IS TO BE LOVED OR TO LOVE A PERSON FOR WHO THEY ARE AND NOT WHAT THEY HAVE.Love is what remains when all the excitement and all that you were expecting has disappeared.
To be continued…
Join me on Star FM every first Wednesday of the month (09:30am-10:00am) for some moments of inspiration on the Breeze with Tariro and Iyati.
Arthur Marara is an Attorney, Author and Speaker. He is also the author of the Personal Development Toolkit, Keys to Financial Freedom, The Power Within, and Keys to Effective Time Management. Send your feedback to [email protected] or Like his page on Facebook, or Whatsapp: +263 772 467 255
