The ManicaPost
Heart to Heart is a platform created for you to share your issues and get practical assistance. Together, we can create brighter lives and happier people, transforming mind sets one day at a time.
He tricked me into sleeping with him, then dumped me.
Dear Tete Barbara
My boyfriend dumped me after tricking me into giving him my virginity last year when I was 20 years old. I believed everything he said to me like a fool. How he promised to marry me and give me a good life but now he has moved on with another girl. I am hurt and ashamed. Who will marry me now and how will I explain myself to my husband?
Tete Barbara responds
A deed done cannot be undone. What he has done is done and hearts are hurt every day. It’s unfortunate that you fell for the cunning lies of a man who just wanted to have his fun and go away. Relationships are very tricky and the dynamics can change very easily so it is wise to guard yourself jealously always. Let go of that man, forgive yourself and continue loving. From now onwards be wise always watching out for the poisonous fruit in the future, work towards it one day at a time making the right choices. When you meet your life partner be honest and if he loves you, he will understand and love you just the way you are.
Move on.
My husband is weak
Dear Tete Barbara
I am a sad woman with three children, a nice house and cars. My unhappiness is caused by my husband’s family that, continuously interfere in my family’s issues. Not a week goes by for the past eight years without a serious and at times physical fight happening in my house.
The mere sight of his family makes me ill and I normally leave the house when they visit. I feel that my husband is not strong enough to tell his relatives to back off from our relationship. They accuse me of being stingy and arrogant but all I want is some peace and quiet with my family. Help me please.
Tete Barbara responds.
I will be the first to admit that you are in a tricky situation but at the same time it’s one that can be changed for the best. Adapting to change can be very difficult and so is embracing new people into one’s life.
Most people who start relationships on a bad foot eventually work through their problems and later laugh it off so don’t lose hope yet. Remember that you love your husband, your children and the life you have created together then take a moment to reflect on the past incidences. How do you react when confronted by your husband’s relatives? Is there anything that you could do to calm the situation?
Have you spoken to your husband about your concerns in the beginning? Try and answer those questions as honestly as possible and if you pick up any fault in your behaviour and reaction you have a solution. Sometimes it is easier to point out the bad things that people do to us without realising that we may also have contributed to the conflict.
However, you have made an important first step realising that this lifestyle is not normal and desiring to get a better setup. Don’t forget that your husband and his family were a family way before you and him became one and they will always be a part of your lives. Embrace them, speak to them, love them and above all forgive them. Start from there and work through one day at a time.
Good Luck!
Why should my father collect my lobola?
Dear Tete Barbara
My father deserted my mother when I was five years old. I grew up with nothing , suffering with my grandparents while my mother was living in Harare working as a house maid up until 2011 when she died of HIV. My siblings and I struggled to survive wearing rags and scrounging for food and fees. Now, I am 27 years old and about to get married, my mother’s relatives say I must find my father so he can take my bride price. How is this even acceptable?
Tete Barbara responds
You did not mention whether your father had married your mother or not, but the fact that your mother’s relatives want you to call your father for the marriage ceremony is a sign that they care for you.
According to our tradition your father must take your bride price so that you live a happy and respectful life, so do not think that they are trying to punish or break ties with you. Discuss your concerns with your family and hear what they have to say but don’t expect them to bend the rules. Reuniting with your father on the other hand could be therapeutic for you. When you see him, talk to him, and try and get some closure. Let the bitterness melt away.
All the best.
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